It might be time for a change.

If you have followed me over the years through our website, you know I rarely keep my hair the same for long.  After taking the "drastic" measure of shaving my head last Fall, I can now say I've had nearly ever hair style known; long, shoulder length, layered, short, spikey and shaved.  I've also had colored a variety of colors over the years; black, red (various shades) and blonde.

Since shaving it last in October 2009, I have been letting my hair grow.  Mostly because the people we are going to St. Barths with don't really like it shaved and they're being so nice to let us come along with them ...

But now it's gotten way too long and something has to change.  So I've added a poll to my blog.  For the next week I will be seeking your input on what style you think I should wear next (Tony says he doesn't care ... and frankly I don't either). 

The week of Feb. 8th I will be getting it cut prior to our trip.  If shaved is what the votes want, then it will have to wait until I returnm, but if something longer is chosen then I'll only get it trimed and "cleaned up" for the trip ... then continue to let it grow.

For reference, I amhave attached 3 photos showing you the options.  If there's a style I didn't include that you like, please feel free to e-mail me. 

I love having people to give me input like this!  So much better than trying to figure it out for myself :)

Why buy the cow ...

Ever noticed how our minds can take strange thought paths until we find ourselves in an odd place?  (Or does that only happen to me?)  Well, today my mind was wandering around while I was cleaning up breakfast, and landed on an old phrase that suddenly struck me.

"Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"  Did you ever hear that one?  Perhaps your parents said it to you.  I'm guessing it's something said to girls/women WAY more than boys/men.

Once I hit on that, my thoughts started scampering all over the place. "So my goal is to be bought and owned?"  "I'm a cow?"  "Sex is milk?"  "What if I don't mind giving away the milk?" 

My first reaction was that this was a "no premarital sex" statement.  But it's not.  It's a blackmail statement.  Probably said my 1,000s of moms to their daughters ... moms who wanted their girls to get married.  So their best advise? Blackmail him with your body.  OMG!  Did our parents really teach us that way?

Now remember, I was raised in a conservative, religious home.  So maybe I'm the only one that heard this and lived with this type of thinking.  And no, I didn't follow that line of thinking.   But what message was being sent the girls of my generation (or before)?  I am hoping and praying this is a saying that has long gone away and we're not teaching our kids like this anymore.

And then there's the whol premarital sex angle.  How do I feel about premarital sex?  Hm.  That's a tough one.  First, I am a realist; I've been there.  At the same time, I understand that abstinence is the only 100% reliable form of birth control.  So part of me says wait until you are prepared financially and emotionally to handle the outcome should your birth control fail, don't do it.  The question I've used with my sone is whether this is a person he wants to be connected to for the rest of his life.

I know sometimes the teenage mind can think "Yes! This is the person I want to be with forever.  But whenever he has a break-up with a girlfriend it's an easy teachable moment on this topic.

It's one thing to get married, have children and divorce.  At least you should be able to tell yourself that at some point in your life you loved this person.  But what if you've just met someone, or have only known them a few weeks.  Are you ready to take the chance that this person will be connected to you forever though a child?

And no, you don't have to continue a pregnancy should one occur.  But if you've just met someone, you may not know how they feel about that.  If your thoughts differ on the options, then it can hurt and haunt you the rest of your life.

And then there's the real message this phrase is sending... that as a woman it should be our goal to be owned by a man and produce for him.  Of course it insinuates that as the "owner" the man will care for the woman ... and in return she is to give him sex.  OMG!  So we just took something wonderful and turned it into a blackmail tool and a duty. 

I am going to hope that I heard this message because of the religious values of my family ... and not because it was the thinking of the time.  On the other hand, if it was a thinking of the time, then I could be assured that these words are no longer being said to the girls/women of today.  But as a religious statement, there is always the possibility that right now someone, somewhere is uttering these words.

No matter what your premaritial sex view are, it's not black and white.  Each person's decision has to be their own, and has to be based on a broad view of the risks involved.  Unfortunately, our body's hormone levels increase faster than we mature.  It's a reality.

I don't care how or when you have "the talk" with your kids ... I'm just begging you to never us the words "Why buy the cow ..."  It's such a demeaning statement.

Have a great weekend.  We're off to the Q Center (Queer Center) Winter Gala tonight; a little time with friends, a few drinks, some dancing and a room downtown.  Who could ask for more?

Haiti

I feel the need to apologize that I haven't written about Haiti and the disaster there until now.

In my defense I was probably the last person in the world to know about what happened.  On January 12th, Tony was traveling and I was home alone.  My life when he is gone is much different than when he's here.  I rarely read the newspaper or watch the news.  I tend to get caught up on DVR'd shows or DVDs.  So it was a shock to me when Wednesay night as we talked on the phone he mentioned that they were watching about the "earthquake in Haiti."  I had no idea what he was talking about.

I turned on Anderson Cooper 360 and watch over an hour of coverage as I tried to understand and comprehend what had happened.  I have to admit, I know very little about Haiti.  Just the weekend before the quake we were looking for a new location to visit and the Dominican Republic had been on our short list.  But other than knowing where the island was located I knew very little.  I can now say I clearly know where the island is ... I just didn't want to learn it this way.

There have been other earthquakes, other disasters that struck remote cities and countries ... but this is different.  This is a big city, there are literally millions of people affected by this.

Over the past 10 days, I have tuned in each day to get updates on the situation and participated in the 90999 texting to make a donation.  But it really never dawned on me to blog about it until we were watching the telethon last night. 

The show had been on only a few minutes when I turned to Tony and said, "If we were younger, would we adopt one of those children?"  And the answer was, "Yes."  After a few more minutes I realized that if I was alone or single, I would go there, I would do what I could, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. 

Tony and I have on occasion discussed the act of putting ourselves in harm's way.  And for us, the decision was that we had a child that needed us.  So we've traveled to places that are considered "safe," never purposefully putting oursleves in danger.  But now that our son is growing and will be soon leaving for college, I'm sure that conversation will become more serious for us.

So there we sat, on our sofa, watching the pictures and listening to stories, knowing we had to do something, but feeling helpless.  So we gave. And then we decided to put a request on our website asking that others give too.  And that brought me to this ... something more I can do.

The stories are devistating.  The Haitian people have not had easy lives to begin with ... and now this.  They had very little before the earthquake, and even less now.  And yet they are pulling together, supporting each other; trying to make a very uncivilized situation, civilized.  There have been fewer stories of looting in Haiti than in US cities like Miami and LA when court decisions do go "our" way, or hurricanes hit.  For a group of people that have often been considered "unruly" the Haitian people have shown themselves to be so much more than the world thought them to be. They are so strong; strong of heart, strong of spirit.

Where this ends is still TBD.  And I fear it will take not months, but years to help these people and this country get back on their feet. 

We all have so much.  Many of us pay more for a cup of coffee a day than these people had to live on for a day.  And now they have less.  So I'm going to ask something of you, my readers.  Look at your life, your day.  What is the one thing you can do without?  Just for a week.  Is it your daily "latte," or cocktail or dining out?  Maybe you live somewhere that for one week you can ride a bike or walk to work instead of driving.  Give it up. Just for a week.  Then send the money you saved to one of the many charities set-up for the Haitian people in this time of need.  It's would mean so little to each of us, and so much to them.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to tell those around you that you love them.  Disaster can strike anyone, anywhere; large or small.  Don't take the lives and love around you for granted.  This is the perfect example of how those we love can be gone in a moment.

Thank you.

Happy Friday -- Plyometrics and Ab Ripper

Ahhhh, the weekend is in sight.  After taking a day (or was it two) off from working out (at least from P90X) I was happy to see that Plyometrics was up for today.  Despite being hard, hard, hard; I love this workout.

Today was a bit more difficult for me than the last time I did this, but I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.  I ended up having to sit-out the Circle Runs (due to exhaustion, LOL) but completed everything else.  I am still struggling with the Jump Knee Tuck and the Run Squat 190 Jump Switch (don't ask).  I'll admit to skipping the final set of the last set of exercises because I wanted to get in an Ab Ripper workout as well.

These two workouts are not recommended/scheduled to be done together, but I am already feeling a difference in my abs and wanted to at least do some of the exercises; and that's exactly what I did, some.  I stuck to my plan of 10 reps each, which worked out well until the Roll-up/V Combo and Leg Climbs.  I'm going to let myself think it was because I had done the Pylometrics workout prior, but I know deep down that these are just two exercises I'm going to have to work my way into.

When I was working out with a Pilates instructor I learned that my lower back is very stiff and that my abs are going to have to be extra strong to keep good form on exercises that crunch through that area.  I actually did pretty good on the others that required this strength, but by the time I got to these two I was knackered (that's an English term for tired).

Tomrrow is Shoulders and Arms (another one I love) and then Yoga.  We have a soccer match in the middle of the day, but if I get an early enough start I might do both in one day ... yeah, right! ;)

These two workouts together took 1 hr. and 15 mins (because I did fewer reps on the Ab Ripper workouts and skipped some exercises in the Plyometrics workout, I fast forwarded through them, thus making the two combined just slightly over the length of one) and burned a total of 222 calories using my BodyBugg.  At the peak of this workout I was burning 4.6 cal/min, but during the Ab Ripper portion that dropped to 1.5 cal/min.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Cheri

Chest & Back and Ab Ripper

I'm beginning the third round of the P90X 1st round workouts.  I should be moving on to the "resting" phase next week, but will probably give this one another full week because of all the breaks I've taken :)

I have to say that I thought because of the breaks I wouldn't really be seeing much improvement.  But just the other day I was demontrating how I have progressed to using a chair for my pullups (a step up from using the bands) and actually did two full, no-chair-supported pull-ups!  I was so proud of myself.  Now certainly I couldn't have continued, but it's two more than I could do when I started this.

This round I am really focusing on form vs. quantity.  This meant that for the push-ups I only did 8 and for the pull-ups I only did 5.  They were slow, but I was fully focused on going low, keeping my elbows in (when appropriate) and getting the most out of each move.  Even at that low quantity, I was tired at the end.

I am taking the same focus on the Ab Ripper.  This continues to be a struggle for me, but knowing that I was only going to do 10 (to the DVDs 25) was a huge mental help.  Again, I concentrated on form.  My lower back is very stiff and instead of getting a nice smooth roll-down my spine, I tend to flop the lower 6 inches.  While "they" finished their 25 reps, I would make the move much smaller, just working on that last portion and making the move smoother.

I know I'm going to feel this tomorrow, especially in my abs ... but that's a good thing.

I recently saw a t-shirt that said "Marines" on the front and "Pain is just weakness leaving your body." on the back.  I LOVE THAT!  It is my new mantra for this workout program.  Hopefully it will get me through in one piece.

Have a great day!

Keeping It All Straight and Being Who You Are

I was on a break from my blog visiting my best girlfriend that moved away a couple of years ago.  I only see her two to three times a year, so when we get together we try to make the most of every minute.

My visit to her couldn't have been better timed. She has been a single mom for 16 years and although I feel confident she has finally found "the one" they, like every one else, have their ups and downs.  As I was listening to her describe some of the struggles they are facing, one fact kept coming to mind ... they are living on assumptions!  Which is basically saying that you believe the other person to be a mind-reader.  And since they know what your thinking (because they read your mind) and don't respond at all or the way you wanted, then you must not be on the same page. 

Talking to them both made me realize that sometimes assuming the other person has these mind-reading skills is easier than taking the risk and saying what you're thinking; what if they don't agree?  Taking a step back from the situation I see the "logic" in that, but in the end we all get more hurt (and often needlessly) by not stating our mind.

Upon returning home, I received an e-mail from one of the people I had an issue with a few weeks ago.  He noticed I had "unfriended" him and asked what was up.  It was then that I realized I had just done the same thing!  I expected him to read my mind and know that what he said had been inappropriate.  So I told him.  Straight up and between the eyes how I felt and why.

Turns out, he wasn't trying to be funny (as I thought he was) and he actually felt what he said was a compliment.  However, once I told him how what he said made me feel, he completely understood. We ended up talking person-to-person (over the phone) for quite a whle and we both felt much better afterwards.

During our conversation he said something that caught my attention and got me thinking.  It is his assumption (there's that word again) that people put on Facebook (or other social networking sites) what they want people to see.  Meaning they censor what they say and post to create and image of themselves that they believe will be appealing to others.  That might be true for many, but not me.

I'll admit I consider my audience when posting pictures and comments (everybody from my family to co-workers to clients are part of my Facebook), but I don't craft messages, etc. to create a persona of me that isn't accurate.  Sure, people can look at my pictures and the things I do, and draw conclusions, but that doesn't mean they know me.  I put stuff up there that I think at least a few people on my Friend list will find interesting.  If I think there's only one person that will be interested, I communicate with them directly.

So it comes down to this ... we all need to be better about speaking up and then not being afraid to listen afterwards.  Talking things out will make even the most painful things easier to take.  Words can be the spoon full of sugar that make the difficult things in life tolerable. 

Next time you find yourself upset, look at how you can use your words to make the situation better not worse.

Where Have Our Manners Gone?

I'm not talking about eating manners ... that could be an enitre topic on it's own!  I'm talking about general niceties ... especially to people we call friends.

Over the years I've observed more and more general disconcern for other people, their feelings and lives.  People think nothing of saying stupid or hurtful things to others, many times in the name of comedy ... and they're not really funny at all.

Sure, if I go to a comedy club and someone decides to make fun of me or something that matters to me I understand ... to a degree.  But what I am seeing more and more is people judging others, making jokes based on their assumptions and generally being out of line.

What has become of us?  Are we really so focused on #1 that we develop tunnel vision towards others?  Do we really not see how treating one person as "different" hurts?  We all put our pants on one leg at a time ... what we do with ourselves and the day after that is each person's business.

We (and I mean the general population "we") have become so judemental.  And we judge people by the outward, often without knowing who they are on the inside.  And what about those we profess to know well?  Some of the cruelest/dumbest things I've heard said have come from people I've considered to be friends.

I'll give you an idea where some of this is coming from ... it's not recent, but a culimination of things that has finally broken my back.

I had a close friend weave an elaborate string of lies just because her plans had changed and she had to break a "date" with me.  Instead of just saying that something came up she worked hard to develop a story that turned it around to being my fault we couldn't get together.  But in the end, mutual friends (not privvy to the lie) slipped out the truth.  And I had spent days feeling bad, convinced it really was my fault.  I struggled for weeks wondering if I was really such a bad person she couldn't just tell me the truth. 

I have (had) another friend that felt the need to introduce me as her "naked" friend to whomever we met.  Now what's the point of that?  Yes, I like to lay in the sun au naturel, but I certainly don't go to PTA meetings or the grocery store in the nude.  Is that really information that needs to be told to a perfect stranger?  Is that really all I am?  Do I not posess even one other interesting trait?  Why is it that if we judge someone "different" that becomes how we define them?  Just because she doesn't choose to do the same, I don't call her my "prude" friend.

And most recently I had a Facebook interaction that made me decide I need to be more selective with my friends.  An acquaintance (I won't even say friend because we haven't seen each other in 20 years) made a very judgemental and inappropriate comment on my FB wall.  It was written Wall-to-Wall, but was in response to a Status Update I had posted.  I descretely wrote back and nicely said that clearly they didn't know me very well because their comment was off base and suggested we have coffee.  I also deleted the comment.  Within minutes they reposted their comment as a response to my Status Update so my entire FB world could see it.  As much as it hurt to do it, I had to delete the Status Update and unfriend them.  Was making that statement about me so important they had to do it twice?

I'm sure that in the last to situations the people thought they were being funny, but you know what?  It wasn't funny at all.  I'm not ashamed or trying to hide who I am, but I also think we all have things about our selves that not everybody needs to know; and it's our business who we well and when/where.

I am not perfect, but I do try to avoid inappropriate/hurtful comments towards others.  And after these, and many other similar, comments I've had to make the tough decision to eliminate people like this from my life.  But as I look around at how prevalent this type of behavior is, I have to wonder if I'll have any friends left by the end of the year. 

So let's stop this here.  The next time you're interacting with someone who's different than you, try not to judge them.  If something bothers you about them, ask them privately about it.  You'll probably gain a better understanding of them, and yourself, along the way.  It's just common courtesy.