Keeping It All Straight and Being Who You Are

I was on a break from my blog visiting my best girlfriend that moved away a couple of years ago.  I only see her two to three times a year, so when we get together we try to make the most of every minute.

My visit to her couldn't have been better timed. She has been a single mom for 16 years and although I feel confident she has finally found "the one" they, like every one else, have their ups and downs.  As I was listening to her describe some of the struggles they are facing, one fact kept coming to mind ... they are living on assumptions!  Which is basically saying that you believe the other person to be a mind-reader.  And since they know what your thinking (because they read your mind) and don't respond at all or the way you wanted, then you must not be on the same page. 

Talking to them both made me realize that sometimes assuming the other person has these mind-reading skills is easier than taking the risk and saying what you're thinking; what if they don't agree?  Taking a step back from the situation I see the "logic" in that, but in the end we all get more hurt (and often needlessly) by not stating our mind.

Upon returning home, I received an e-mail from one of the people I had an issue with a few weeks ago.  He noticed I had "unfriended" him and asked what was up.  It was then that I realized I had just done the same thing!  I expected him to read my mind and know that what he said had been inappropriate.  So I told him.  Straight up and between the eyes how I felt and why.

Turns out, he wasn't trying to be funny (as I thought he was) and he actually felt what he said was a compliment.  However, once I told him how what he said made me feel, he completely understood. We ended up talking person-to-person (over the phone) for quite a whle and we both felt much better afterwards.

During our conversation he said something that caught my attention and got me thinking.  It is his assumption (there's that word again) that people put on Facebook (or other social networking sites) what they want people to see.  Meaning they censor what they say and post to create and image of themselves that they believe will be appealing to others.  That might be true for many, but not me.

I'll admit I consider my audience when posting pictures and comments (everybody from my family to co-workers to clients are part of my Facebook), but I don't craft messages, etc. to create a persona of me that isn't accurate.  Sure, people can look at my pictures and the things I do, and draw conclusions, but that doesn't mean they know me.  I put stuff up there that I think at least a few people on my Friend list will find interesting.  If I think there's only one person that will be interested, I communicate with them directly.

So it comes down to this ... we all need to be better about speaking up and then not being afraid to listen afterwards.  Talking things out will make even the most painful things easier to take.  Words can be the spoon full of sugar that make the difficult things in life tolerable. 

Next time you find yourself upset, look at how you can use your words to make the situation better not worse.