Where Have Our Manners Gone?

I'm not talking about eating manners ... that could be an enitre topic on it's own!  I'm talking about general niceties ... especially to people we call friends.

Over the years I've observed more and more general disconcern for other people, their feelings and lives.  People think nothing of saying stupid or hurtful things to others, many times in the name of comedy ... and they're not really funny at all.

Sure, if I go to a comedy club and someone decides to make fun of me or something that matters to me I understand ... to a degree.  But what I am seeing more and more is people judging others, making jokes based on their assumptions and generally being out of line.

What has become of us?  Are we really so focused on #1 that we develop tunnel vision towards others?  Do we really not see how treating one person as "different" hurts?  We all put our pants on one leg at a time ... what we do with ourselves and the day after that is each person's business.

We (and I mean the general population "we") have become so judemental.  And we judge people by the outward, often without knowing who they are on the inside.  And what about those we profess to know well?  Some of the cruelest/dumbest things I've heard said have come from people I've considered to be friends.

I'll give you an idea where some of this is coming from ... it's not recent, but a culimination of things that has finally broken my back.

I had a close friend weave an elaborate string of lies just because her plans had changed and she had to break a "date" with me.  Instead of just saying that something came up she worked hard to develop a story that turned it around to being my fault we couldn't get together.  But in the end, mutual friends (not privvy to the lie) slipped out the truth.  And I had spent days feeling bad, convinced it really was my fault.  I struggled for weeks wondering if I was really such a bad person she couldn't just tell me the truth. 

I have (had) another friend that felt the need to introduce me as her "naked" friend to whomever we met.  Now what's the point of that?  Yes, I like to lay in the sun au naturel, but I certainly don't go to PTA meetings or the grocery store in the nude.  Is that really information that needs to be told to a perfect stranger?  Is that really all I am?  Do I not posess even one other interesting trait?  Why is it that if we judge someone "different" that becomes how we define them?  Just because she doesn't choose to do the same, I don't call her my "prude" friend.

And most recently I had a Facebook interaction that made me decide I need to be more selective with my friends.  An acquaintance (I won't even say friend because we haven't seen each other in 20 years) made a very judgemental and inappropriate comment on my FB wall.  It was written Wall-to-Wall, but was in response to a Status Update I had posted.  I descretely wrote back and nicely said that clearly they didn't know me very well because their comment was off base and suggested we have coffee.  I also deleted the comment.  Within minutes they reposted their comment as a response to my Status Update so my entire FB world could see it.  As much as it hurt to do it, I had to delete the Status Update and unfriend them.  Was making that statement about me so important they had to do it twice?

I'm sure that in the last to situations the people thought they were being funny, but you know what?  It wasn't funny at all.  I'm not ashamed or trying to hide who I am, but I also think we all have things about our selves that not everybody needs to know; and it's our business who we well and when/where.

I am not perfect, but I do try to avoid inappropriate/hurtful comments towards others.  And after these, and many other similar, comments I've had to make the tough decision to eliminate people like this from my life.  But as I look around at how prevalent this type of behavior is, I have to wonder if I'll have any friends left by the end of the year. 

So let's stop this here.  The next time you're interacting with someone who's different than you, try not to judge them.  If something bothers you about them, ask them privately about it.  You'll probably gain a better understanding of them, and yourself, along the way.  It's just common courtesy.