Why buy the cow ...

Ever noticed how our minds can take strange thought paths until we find ourselves in an odd place?  (Or does that only happen to me?)  Well, today my mind was wandering around while I was cleaning up breakfast, and landed on an old phrase that suddenly struck me.

"Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"  Did you ever hear that one?  Perhaps your parents said it to you.  I'm guessing it's something said to girls/women WAY more than boys/men.

Once I hit on that, my thoughts started scampering all over the place. "So my goal is to be bought and owned?"  "I'm a cow?"  "Sex is milk?"  "What if I don't mind giving away the milk?" 

My first reaction was that this was a "no premarital sex" statement.  But it's not.  It's a blackmail statement.  Probably said my 1,000s of moms to their daughters ... moms who wanted their girls to get married.  So their best advise? Blackmail him with your body.  OMG!  Did our parents really teach us that way?

Now remember, I was raised in a conservative, religious home.  So maybe I'm the only one that heard this and lived with this type of thinking.  And no, I didn't follow that line of thinking.   But what message was being sent the girls of my generation (or before)?  I am hoping and praying this is a saying that has long gone away and we're not teaching our kids like this anymore.

And then there's the whol premarital sex angle.  How do I feel about premarital sex?  Hm.  That's a tough one.  First, I am a realist; I've been there.  At the same time, I understand that abstinence is the only 100% reliable form of birth control.  So part of me says wait until you are prepared financially and emotionally to handle the outcome should your birth control fail, don't do it.  The question I've used with my sone is whether this is a person he wants to be connected to for the rest of his life.

I know sometimes the teenage mind can think "Yes! This is the person I want to be with forever.  But whenever he has a break-up with a girlfriend it's an easy teachable moment on this topic.

It's one thing to get married, have children and divorce.  At least you should be able to tell yourself that at some point in your life you loved this person.  But what if you've just met someone, or have only known them a few weeks.  Are you ready to take the chance that this person will be connected to you forever though a child?

And no, you don't have to continue a pregnancy should one occur.  But if you've just met someone, you may not know how they feel about that.  If your thoughts differ on the options, then it can hurt and haunt you the rest of your life.

And then there's the real message this phrase is sending... that as a woman it should be our goal to be owned by a man and produce for him.  Of course it insinuates that as the "owner" the man will care for the woman ... and in return she is to give him sex.  OMG!  So we just took something wonderful and turned it into a blackmail tool and a duty. 

I am going to hope that I heard this message because of the religious values of my family ... and not because it was the thinking of the time.  On the other hand, if it was a thinking of the time, then I could be assured that these words are no longer being said to the girls/women of today.  But as a religious statement, there is always the possibility that right now someone, somewhere is uttering these words.

No matter what your premaritial sex view are, it's not black and white.  Each person's decision has to be their own, and has to be based on a broad view of the risks involved.  Unfortunately, our body's hormone levels increase faster than we mature.  It's a reality.

I don't care how or when you have "the talk" with your kids ... I'm just begging you to never us the words "Why buy the cow ..."  It's such a demeaning statement.

Have a great weekend.  We're off to the Q Center (Queer Center) Winter Gala tonight; a little time with friends, a few drinks, some dancing and a room downtown.  Who could ask for more?